Thursday, July 9, 2009

Sexting, Cheating, Sneaking, Etc.

Men are dogs.



Okay, so not all men are dogs. Most of my friends are dudes, so they pretty much know how much I think they suck already and will not take offense to this. Nor do any of them partake in something so ridiculously funny I think I just peed a little. (Not really.) Over the past 2-3 years I'd say, I've lured in a plethora of sleazy men with girlfriends who think it is okay to send me text messages of their nudie parts.

Sexting = Suggestive Picture Text = NO NO NO.

Reasons why you do not want to send me a "sext":
1 - I will show your picture to all of my friends.
2- I will laugh for hours on end at how stupid you look.
3- I'LL TELL ON YOU! Or, your partner WILL find out some way or another and will give us BOTH SHIT. I don't feel like dealing with my own drama, let alone someone else's when I DEFINITELY don't reciprocate whatever sick fan-boy feelings you've got for me. Plus, do you really want your balls chopped off?
4- I'm a heartless ice queen. I do not feel sorry for you, no matter what excuse you come up for cheating. (I.E., "My gf lives far away.") Just ask any dude whose had the displeasure of meeting me.
5- Besides all of the above, it it was me you were cheating on, oh boy, your life would be a living hell.

If that's not enough reason not to sext me, well boy, try your luck.

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